How to nail your best man's speech

Shock, horror – Your best mate has just asked you to be his Best man.  Don’t panic with our step-by-step-guide you can pull off a killer speech and get on with chatting up the bridesmaids on the dancefloor.

As they say in the Boy Scouts – Be prepared!

For those of us who don’t have a photographic memory a script is a must. Jot down the essentials first and then work on the padding. Make a start several weeks in advance whenever you have a spare moment. One of the funniest speeches I ever heard was written on a roll of toilet paper which the Best Man diligently unravelled as the speech progressed (unused of course!). Apparently he’d written it in a quiet moment of contemplation (you can guess where).

Don’t Forget the Formalities

Convention dictates that the Best Man should;

• Congratulate the new Mr and Mrs X (sure to draw applause)
• Thank and compliment the Bridesmaids (it’s a top idea to give flowers)
• Read out Telegrams from absent guests

Forget any one of these at your peril.

The Right of Free Speech

With the formalities out of the way you can get on with the job at hand. Wedding Guests are generally the easiest audience a Best Man/Stand-Up Comedian can face – almost always one or two drinks the worse for wear and up for a laugh.

It’s the God-given right of every Best Man to ritually abuse the Groom. The more you can take the michael the better.  Childhood misdemeanours, failed past romances, drunken student escapades – this is the perfect moment to embarrass the Groom in front of his adoring new Bride.

Top Tip – keep any mention of past loves to an absolute minimum if you wish to remain on speaking terms with the Bride/Bride’s Mother. And on the subject of humour we’d steer clear of bad language, there are ladies present.

Poetry in Motion

If you’re feeling especially creative why not combine all of your memories of the Bride and Groom in a poem. Simple rhyming couplets are easy to do “There was young man from …..etc” and sure to impress. What your poem might lack in literary skill can be more than compensated by the exaggerated enthusiasm of your delivery. We’d recommend no more than two pints of beer or 4 glasses of Champagne for some confidence-inspiring Dutch Courage in moderation.

Props Forward

A picture (or prop) paints a thousand words. Another sure-fire hit is to collect some relevant props. The more off-the-wall the better. The Groom’s Stag outfit, the Bride’s bra which you feel you must now return, there is no shortage of material if you do your preparation right. It’s amazing what you can find these days in TK Maxx and Poundstretcher.

Dress The Part

Last but by no means least make sure you look the part. Immaculate dressing is the order of the day. It’s amazing what you can get away with when you’re smartly dressed.

Why not share your Best Best Man experiences with us on Facebook or Twitter and we’ll publish the best in a future Suit Direct Style Guide feature.